In the aftermath of a fallen friendship or a breakup, the big question is: should you block them on social media? It’s a common impulse to want to erase all traces of someone who may have hurt you or with whom things didn’t end well. However, there’s a compelling argument for keeping that digital door slightly ajar, not enough to let them back in but just enough that if they look, they see. And to ask what Billnas and Rayvanny keep asking, ‘Wataonaje?’.

First, consider the aspect of visibility. By not blocking someone, you allow them a window into your world, one where you continue to grow and thrive without them. This isn’t about nurturing bitterness or showing off; rather, it’s about showcasing your resilience and happiness. When they see how well you’re doing post-breakup or after the friendship has ended, it might prompt some introspection on their part. Perhaps they’ll see what they lost and realize that the issues leading to the fallout were partly, or wholly, their responsibilities.

Allowing an ex-friend or partner to see how you flourish without them can act as a catalyst for personal growth on their part. Sometimes, seeing someone else doing well is a wake-up call that prompts us to reflect on our behaviour and potentially make amends or changes in our lives. If your continued visibility sparks a positive change in them, then keeping the social media lines unblocked serves a higher purpose.

Choosing not to block someone can also be a sign of emotional maturity. It shows that you are secure enough in your own healing process that you don’t need to erase someone’s existence to move forward. This approach can help you transition from any negative feelings towards a place of peace and neutrality. Furthermore, maintaining mutual connections on social media keeps things less awkward for friends or groups shared between you two.

Life is unpredictable, and feelings can evolve. By not blocking someone, you leave open the possibility of reconciliation in the future, should it ever feel appropriate. People grow and change, and the person who might have hurt you once could become a friend or a valuable connection down the road.

Ultimately, the decision to block someone should come down to what you need to heal and move on. However, if you are in a place where you can handle it, keeping them unblocked might just be beneficial. Living well and embracing your happiness without them not only serves as the best kind of personal victory but also stands as a silent testament to your strength and self-worth. Let them see how well you are doing and let that sight remind them of what they might need to change within themselves. Remember, you’re not responsible for their growth, but your own progress might just inspire theirs. So, don’t feel guilty for moving on and being happier—it’s your right and your journey.

Nimo Gachuiri,  a mother, recording artist, influencer, and entrepreneur shares her experience about managing her child’s online presence. She discusses the challenges she’s encountered and the strategies she employs to safeguard her child online, integrating the principles of the Children Online Protection Act. Shares her insights with DIANA MUCHAI

In today’s digital era, striking a balance between online exposure and safety poses a significant challenge for many parents. Nimo reflects on the initial hurdles she faced when she began sharing about her child online. “When I started posting, we encountered friction with certain groups. We faced bullying, and while I wasn’t initially keen on putting our child out there, his dad was, so I deferred to his lead,” she recalls. The onslaught of negative comments and bullying directed at her child was deeply distressing. “People were calling my baby ugly. It was heart-wrenching,” she adds.

To navigate these challenges, Nimo made the decision to limit her child’s online exposure. “I mainly post about him on my own page, mostly on stories, where feedback is more controlled,” she explains. She perceives her social media as a personal album, a space to preserve memories while exercising control over her child’s visibility.

Nimo stresses the importance of parental controls and monitoring screen time. She encourages outdoor activities and limits screen time, enforcing parental controls on devices such as laptops and Netflix. “We’ve restricted his access to Netflix, emphasizing that it’s not suitable for him. He mostly watches YouTube, where we’ve set up controls to ensure he only views appropriate content,” she explains. By incorporating YouTube Kids on shared devices and using regular YouTube on personal devices, they ensure ongoing safety, even when they’re not actively monitoring his usage. This approach aligns with the Children Online Protection Act’s aim to promote safe internet usage for children, preventing others from corrupting algorithms to suggest age-inappropriate content.

As public figures, Nimo and her husband are deliberate about their online sharing. “We carefully choose what to share. There are aspects we keep private to shield our child from undue scrutiny,” she explains. This deliberate curation aids in managing their child’s online presence while prioritizing his safety. It’s about delineating between their brand and personal lives.

Nimo advocates for building a child’s confidence through affirmations and setting boundaries. “Start by nurturing your child’s confidence. Teach them self-love and resilience,” she advises. They have a daily self-affirmation ritual, fostering self-love and confidence in their child, buffering him against negative comments.

“Utilize parental controls and closely monitor their online activities,” she suggests. She underscores the importance of shielding children until they are equipped to navigate the online world independently.

Nimo Gachuiri’s journey underscores the crucial balance between online exposure and safety. By integrating the principles of the Children Online Protection Act into daily life, parents can cultivate a safer digital environment for their children. The Communications Authority of Kenya, through the Children Online Protection Act, offers a comprehensive framework to shield children from online threats, ensuring a secure digital space for young users. Nimo’s experience serves as a valuable compass for parents navigating the intricacies of raising children in the digital age.

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Read About Digital Parenting and Child Empowerment Here.

Jennifer Kaberi, a mother, is also the founder and CEO of Mtoto News, a children’s digital company whose mission is to make children visible. In this article, Jennifer talks to ODHIAMBO NEEMA about how she parents in the digital age, leveraging rather than shying away from digital media.

“How can we leverage technology for good?”

This one question would change Jennifer Kaberi’s view of digital media, and consequently, alter her life’s trajectory. Contrary to most parents today, Jennifer, a mum of two, embraces digital media and teaches them how to leverage it for good. However, she didn’t always see it this way.

Back when Facebook started, Jennifer was a mom blogger. At some point, however, she felt that technology was too toxic for her and left the platform; save for LinkedIn, which she used to look for work, exposing her to articles about how to maximize the digital space, igniting her interest in understanding how technology could be leveraged for good.

At around the same time, an incident at home spurred Jennifer on the path to understanding technology more:

“I started noticing my daughter, then she was about 3, 4, 5… she was just trying to go from being a toddler to getting to know herself, and then she discovered she has kinky hair. And then, it’s not just kinky hair… She had really nice locs. My child, after watching cartoons for a few years, decided her hair is not good anymore. And she cried to cut her hair. So, I had to cut her hair. You know how much you invest in locs? Her locs were really long and beautiful,” she explains.

This incident made Jennifer realize the extent to which technology shapes our psyche and mental framework, particularly as Africans. As such, Jennifer was concerned that by the time her daughter was in her teens, she would be someone she wasn’t because she was trying to be so many people. Fortunately, over time her daughter has been able to gain self-confidence and accept herself.

In response to that, Jennifer set out to break the stereotypes technology shapes in children. She wanted to create a space where children could be themselves without being shaped by other people’s thoughts. And thus, Mtoto News was born. Mtoto News has set out to change how technology and what content look like for African children. They do this by empowering children to create their own content so that they can see children who look like them. In order to empower children to take up space in the digital world, Jennifer had to learn the ropes first. She was very intentional about becoming an expert in matters of digital media to harness its full potential. To achieve her goal, she undertook online courses and attended multiple conferences and seminars on digital media. Additionally, reading numerous articles and research papers on the same. Thanks to her dedication to learning, Jennifer’s company, Mtoto News, now creates, curates, and circulates content with, for, and by children. They also provide a platform for children to participate in the digital space, training them to express themselves and use the digital space to effect change and create solutions. Finally, they conduct research on child online participation and children in the digital age. As part of their child participation framework, Mtoto News has a training called Sauti Zetu, which is a digital literacy program where they train children on content creation, communication, collaboration, online safety, how to engage leaders, and how to come up with solutions using the digital space.

Additionally, her learning has enabled her to engage with social media from a more informed lens. Being a parent, her deeper understanding of social and digital media has proven even more insurmountable, as she now makes informed choices when it comes to parenting and social media. For example, understanding basic app features like streaks, which are a private representation of how many consecutive days one has sent a Snap back and forth with a friend on Snapchat, determines how much time she allows her kids to spend on the app. As such, Jennifer tailors her guidelines to each social media platform.

With respect to parenting children on online safety, Jennifer finds that the children she trains want their parents to join them and be more involved in the digital space.

“We asked them what they wanted to tell their parents, and they told us to tell them to come because telling us not to be on social media won’t work… you have to understand their world,” she shares.

Her advice to parents is to immerse themselves in their children’s world, to understand it:

“By restricting them, you are lying to yourself. When you understand that this is their world, and how it operates, what it means to them, you are able to protect them better, ask very informed questions… Don’t go to social media to know how to use it, understand it.”

Banking on nearly a decade of experience, Jennifer notes that there is a marked difference between children who’ve been trained and equipped for the digital space and those who haven’t. More often than not, the former grow up to be more confident and self-assured than the latter.