6 Simple Ways To Tame Your All-or-Nothing Thinking

Stuck In A Never-ending Battle Between “I’m crushing it” and “I’m a total failure”?

If so, welcome to the exhausting world of all-or-nothing thinking.

A mental habit where everything’s either amazing or awful, and there’s zero room for anything in between.

A lot of us fall into this trap without even noticing.

Take your fitness journey, for example.

You’ve been hitting the gym regularly, feeling great, and then one day, you skip a workout or indulge in that pastry you swore off.

Suddenly, it feels like all your progress is ruined, and you want to give up.

Or what about when you decided to get serious about your sleep routine?

You were waking up early, feeling refreshed, and then—bam!—a late-night Netflix marathon derails you.

Now you’re convinced you’ve ruined everything, and you might as well stay up late forever. “I’m not a morning person anyway!”

This all-or-nothing mentality sets you up for an epic win or a catastrophic fail with no middle ground.

It can turn every little slip-up into a full-blown disaster, making life feel like a constant rollercoaster of highs and lows.

But here’s the thing: Life isn’t a black-and-white movie.

It’s more like a full-color feature film, with all the shades of gray and awkward transitions that make it enjoyable.

All-or-nothing thinking misses out on this beautiful spectrum and sticks you in a world of extremes.

So, how do you step out of this extreme mindset and start living in full color? Here’s how:

1. Celebrate Your Small Wins

First, ditch the idea that you must achieve huge goals to feel good about yourself. Instead, start celebrating the small wins.

Ate a healthy meal? You’re awesome. Skipped that extra slice of pizza? You’re on fire.

It’s not about being perfect; it’s about making progress. Each small step is a victory that adds to the grand scheme.

2. Embrace Your Imperfections

Have you ever noticed how the best stories come from the messiest situations?

Like how every top student occasionally flops a test or even the best chefs sometimes put too much salt?

Imperfections make life exciting and relatable. So when you mess up (because let’s be real, we all do), don’t sweat it.

It’s just part of your story’s plot twist.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

When you do slip up, don’t be so hard on yourself.

Imagine your best friend came to you feeling guilty for missing a workout or staying up late. Would you tell them they’ve failed at life? Of course not!

You’d probably give them a hug and some words of encouragement. So why not treat yourself with the same kindness?

You deserve it.

4. Reframe Your Thinking

Instead of concluding that you’ve failed, try reframing the situation.

Instead of, “I’ve messed this up,” think, “This didn’t go as planned, but what can I learn from it?”

It’s all about turning setbacks into learning experiences rather than letting them define you.

5. Set Realistic Goals

Dream big, but make sure your goals are achievable.

If you set the bar too high, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment, which only fuels all-or-nothing thinking.

Break your goals into smaller, manageable chunks, and pat yourself on the back whenever you reach a milestone.

6. Focus on the Journey, Not The Destination

Remember, life isn’t just about the destination—it’s about the ride. Think of your journey like a road trip.

Sure, you might take a few wrong turns or encounter unexpected detours, but that makes the adventure memorable.

Embrace the bumps and turns; they’re all part of the experience.

The Takeaway

Next time you catch yourself spiraling into the “all-or-nothing” trap, remember that life is richer and more rewarding in the in-between.

The magic happens in the gray areas—the small wins, the imperfect moments, and the realistic goals. By living between the lines, you’ll find a much more enjoyable and less stressful way to approach your goals and challenges.

So, start coloring your life with more nuance and much less drama. And remember, it’s totally okay to fall short of your expectations—just don’t let it define your entire day.

You have the power to change your thinking and embrace all life’s messy, beautiful shades.

Hear Me Out

Maybe you’ve tried reading books and found yourself dozing off more than once, thinking, “Maybe reading just isn’t for me.”

Before you give up, try picking up The Lost Art of Thinking by Neil Nedley, M.D.

It’s full of insights that dive deeper into everything we’ve been discussing here.