Books & Film
You Will Love ‘Things I Will Tell My Daughter’ by Joan Thatiah
I stumbled upon Joan Thatiah’s books on X. She wrote this elaborate thread on the life of a male sex worker. I loved her narration and I respected her craft. As a society that shuns even age-appropriate sex education, having writers humanize sex workers is a necessity. From then on, I fell in love with her work. I have had her books on my TBR list for close to a year.
This year I have been lucky to read Things I Will Tell My Daughter. Severally, people have said books find you. I do not believe it is true (mainly because I feel I’m behind in my reading and don’t need any excuse) but this specific book found me. Turning twenty-four feels like new womanhood. A new level of adulthood. The last year before my prefrontal cortex develops.
Baby fever imenitwanga this year, wacha tu! Because of this, I jumped to part 4 – Motherhood. The first chapter I read was, And the perfect time to have a baby is… In a well-written chapter, she reminds us it is okay to never want children, to plan for our pregnancies and only have kids for ourselves, and if you do keep an unplanned pregnancy nothing is wrong with you, understand it ain’t easy. Safe to say, the baby’s fever went down. I love the age I was born and raised in, millennial and Gen Z mums are more open to discussing the struggles of motherhood, openly. We can now make informed decisions.
Book Review
In part one – Womanhood, Joan Thatiah feels like a big sister: paving the way for you and reminding you where to step. She reminds us to be confident, to set boundaries, to read, to accept our bodies, to show up for ourselves, and to only honor the girl code when it makes sense.
Part two – Your Heart, felt like those late-night chats with your besties. The ones that end with promises to do better, be better, choose better partners… those nights when you have a heart-to-heart conversation. She dropped a bomb too: the butterfly feeling in your stomach can blind you to red flags in a relationship. She then reminds us, that when the honeymoon ends and the commitment phase of the relationship begins, there will be no more butterflies.
In part three – Your Money, she places femininity and money together. According to spirituality, femininity and money go hand in hand. But I have never seen them grouped career-wise. She narrates how they judged a colleague who dressed well and played the game (office politics) and now has an illustrious career. Growing up we had the cousins and aunties we were warned about. The rebellious ones. Part three felt like talking to this aunty. Sitting in her expensive home, sipping something, a long expensive-looking rob covering just the essential parts, probably reading a magazine. She stops reading and reminds you this is your life. She reminds you, that you’re a woman and you have been and will continue to be judged. She looks at your chest, tells you, you are growing, and gives you a lacey bra. Tells you red lipstick would look good on you and reminds you to read. She probably makes a shit load of money, only helps those she wishes, and drives “like a man”.
Would I read the book again? Yes! As I re-read the book, I will use the book as a journaling guide. In part three, I found certain statements triggered more than just an aha moment. I had to sit with them. For example, on page 111, she reminds us that this is a man’s world and we do not have to conform to how men get things done. I had to question how I was getting things done. Was I in alignment with who I was? Or was I performing for this world?
And as for my daughters, when I can afford to have one or two, will be reading this book. You should read it too!