We are kids, but yes we understand divorce

I think I would want to protect my kids from the pain. I mean, I have only had a handful of heartbreaks and the pain was devastating, I cannot imagine leaving someone you shared a bed, a home, kids and goals with.
However, no matter how difficult situation is, there are kids to think about.

As a child, I often wondered why parents didn’t offer explanations. As a grownup, I understand that sometimes things are hard to explain. But, as someone who spends a lot of their free time with kids, doing childish stuff and transitioning from childhood to adulthood: we understand. Kids understand.

Your child has probably walked home looking sad and in between sobs said so and so was not their friend anymore. You asked them what happened, and they explained that they had to terminate a friendship because someone hurt them.

So, how do you help your kids navigate the divorce ?

The truth shall set you free

It is important that you tell your kids why you have to get the divorce. You don’t have to lie about the cause, just find a child-friendly way to let them know what happened. For example, say we are no longer compatible, our goals don’t align, we want different things, etc.

Affirm your child

Say as many I love you’s as you can. Remind them that you love them and that it is not their fault. Kids sometimes think their mistakes are the reason their parents divorce. So, affirm them. Remind them that it’s a you decision and not them.

Schedules and routines

Divorce brings changes in living arrangements, schools, playtime etc. Communicate effectively how this changes will happen and how they will affect them.

With the new schedule, strive to meet as planned. Your child should not feel neglected.

Keep talking to them

I understand that you’re busy moving or signing documents, but maintain the relationship you had with your child. Call, text and hug them as you did before. Pay attention in case any of them need extra love and care.

Take them to therapy

Lastly, if you can, take them to therapy. Kids are empathetic. They might halt their concerns since you seem overloaded, but might be willing to open up to someone else. In case you cannot afford therapy, inform their teachers about the situation. They might offer some guidance or direct them to the school counselor.

We know relationships end. Friendships end. Our favourite movie ends. We might feel sad for a minute, but we know, we know things end. And good ones come later.