A curious thing happens once a year here in New York City (NYC). Those who have experienced it can smell and anticipate the phenomenon. Upon its arrival NYC locals relish each and every second of it like a hyperactive child on a sugar high. It’s as if a magical light bulb in the sky has been switched on and all the beautiful puppets that grace the streets of NYC have suddenly been powered to life. Actually, it’s not as if, this is precisely what happens.
Welcome to the very special, ever elusive, initial days of springtime in this great city. It is so much more than just rays of sunshine after a long, bleak winter, or finally ironing out the sundress and shoving the lumpy winter jackets to the back of the closet. Not to diminish saying goodbye to winter, for that is a huge deal in and of itself. The end of months of hibernation opens floodgates of relief, childlike awe and overwhelming gratitude for Mother Nature. The hemlines get shorter, the colors get brighter, the pale skin is exposed, the body relaxes, the smiles become luminous and the laughter is utterly contagious. Basically sheer unadulterated happiness.
But it’s more than happiness that drifts in the air. You can smell the potential in the air. The, ‘what if?’ that lingers upon every encounter. There’s fragile anticipation. There’s uncertainty. There’s an empty path waiting to be trekked. There’s a glistening crystal blue pool of deep, deep longing. There’s an indecipherable need that instantaneously mounts itself to individuals. This bone quivering thirst is seemingly unquenchable, yet there is no rhyme or reason for it’s manifestation.
“It’s spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you’ve got it, you want – oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!”
Mark Twain, American Author and Poet
This is as much of an internal biological shift as it is an external awakening of entire populations. As the trees blossom, the outdoor cafe chairs emerge and the sandals hit the streets, your mind and body can focus on one thing only: go forth and multiply.
I am not kidding you. The so-called ‘spring fever’ plight is very real and very severe in a jam-packed NYC where diseases spread like the plague and cause havoc in mere seconds. And no one, I repeat, no one, is immune. It’s a time where a casual bar scene turns into an intense game hunt, where the scent of pheromones practically clouds the air, where nonchalant gazes spark wildfires of scorching desire. Yes, it really is that intense.
Having observed the varying degrees of human absurdities when it comes to springtime behavior and interaction, I’d like to unveil to you the simply marvelous science of spring fever. Based partly on scientific research and mostly on me attempting to sound clever, spring fever occurs in various stages, sometimes appearing subtly or sometimes slapping you in the face with surprising vigor. What makes spring fever so potent is that it’s a once a year phenomenon; it appears and then dissipates, leaving many ailing individuals in its wake, left to suffer into the swelter summer in utter confusion.
The singular most important takeaway from the science of spring fever is this: Sunlight is the cause and culprit of all hereto-mentioned ailments. Or more specifically – sudden, unexpected bursts of sunlight hitting unsuspecting forlorn individuals is what causes so much damage. Sunlight is evil. Beware of sunlight.
That said; here are the various stages I’ve managed to decipher, brought to you as life saving lessons. And to make your life even easier I’ve spent numerous hours creating a go-to formula for you to refer to when any symptoms arise.
LESSON #1:
You cannot, under any condition, trust your judgment during those first warm days of spring, especially when members of the opposite sex are concerned. Case in point: a girl wearing a short skirt is not simply a girl in a short skirt. Against all rationale she will become THE woman of your dreams with the longest, leanest legs you’ve ever seen. You will swear on your life that she must be the goddess of all supermodels, even if your ‘as-yet-to-be-afflicted’ brothers proclaim otherwise. And that exposed shoulder of hers? It will look like the most perfectly molded shoulder that has ever graced this earth. You will feel the urge to stare at it for all eternity. And her smile, oh my goodness, her smile! It will send you into a drunken stupor making you feel like you’re drifting through heaven on earth. You will simply have to have her. No ifs and/or buts.
But trust me when I say this, a few months down the line your six-foot tall supermodel shoulder goddess will morph into a five-foot short, unbearable, yapping creature. The sight of her, or any woman’s, exposed shoulder will hardly faze you, and who will have the time to even notice all the smiling, scantily clad women around when there is so much beer to be consumed? Not you, certainly. The same goes for women, by the way. Only insert an Italian soccer god with exposed biceps instead of a supermodel shoulder goddess, and wine instead of beer.
LESSON #2:
The world becomes a better place. Whether or not this is true, this is what you will believe. Blame it on your body naturally producing more feel-good hormones in the sunlight, also known as serotonin. Increased serotonin correlates to feelings of joy, enthusiasm, frivolity and all around yay-the-world-is-so-great!-ness.
Not only do you produce more happy hormones, you also produce less sleep hormones. As your eyes adjust to more natural light, the tiny region of the brain considered the human biological clock, the suprachiasmatic nucleus (SCN), produces less melatonin – the sleep hormone. This causes a lift in mood and energy, a reduced desire to sleep, an increase in libido (of course we’ll address that specific symptom later) and a need to eat less. Released from the chemical messages that make us withdraw in winter, the body feels energized, ready to hunt for food and to give birth.
With all this increase in energy and oxygenated blood rushing through your body, you do what energetic people do – play more. And as temperatures rise, the great outdoors beckon for the first time in months with long walks, runs, bike rides and other outdoor activities. As you’re more active you generate endorphins, another feels-so-so-good hormone that works like opium in the brain.
Still with me? So far we have increase in sunlight = more energy + better mood + higher sex drive + less need for sleep + more activity = all around happy, happy, happy feelings. Sounds pretty awful right?
LESSON #3:
But wait, the sunlight does more nasty tricks! We’re all aware that sunlight boosts the synthesis of vitamin D, which does wonders for your bones and heart. However, vitamin D is also shown to boost levels of progesterone and estrogen in females, while increasing testosterone in males. In layman terms this means it boosts your mood and your libido. Yes, the sunshine vitamin provides plenty of sunshine.
LESSON #4:
Your dormant senses that are largely underused in the winter are brutally awakened and tortuously overloaded. Your smell, sight, and hearing are bombarded with fragrances, colors and noises that stimulate the brain, conjuring memories and triggering feelings of giddiness. Even the plants are attacking you; the blossoming spring flora is designed to drive you crazy, exuding a smell that stimulates you. Yes, you read that correct – the plants are on a mission to get you excited.
LESSON #5:
As I’m sure you’ve probably guessed by now, all of this means that if you plan to conceive, now is the time to do so. Your libido’s up, you are all happy and energized, even Mother Nature’s on your side! But if you don’t plan to conceive, ladies be warned; on top of all of this sunlight induced euphoria the males are extra virile in the springtime. Ironically because levels of actual sexual activity seem to drop during this time of year, which in turn increases their sperm count thus increasing fertility (female fertility tends to peak in the lower temperatures of autumn and winter). Interestingly enough, this is a likely explanation for why statistics show that there are more unplanned babies conceived during spring than any other time of year. I promise I did not make that one up.
Which leaves us to the most fascinating lesson of them all…
LESSON #6:
All of this light, warmth, energy, frantic teenage-esque hormones, newly awakened senses and sudden overdose of stimulants triggers my favorite hormone of them all – dopamine. This ‘love it or hate it’ is a chemical messenger involved in motivation, pleasure, movement and learning, which is all great stuff but boy can it cause some mayhem.
During the early warm spring days when you’re bombarded by pleasant, exciting, novel stimuli (sunlight! shorts! blue skies! barbeques!) dopamine’s role is to help you sort through all this stuff and help you pay attention to what is critical to survival (food, sex, shelter etc), all the while keeping you motivated to learn and move through the world. As dopamine is an integral part of our brain’s reward system it is meant to give you a high-five and reinforce all those things that feel good and help you survive (unfortunately this life-enhancing mechanism of dopamine can also backfire on us, as it plays an important role in the neurochemistry of addiction). So when you have this good stuff flowing in your system you feel motivated, optimistic, energized and euphoric.
But, and this is a big juicy but, dopamine is responsible for us ‘wanting’ pleasure (i.e. the motivation to seek out, go after and desire a reward), while the actual experience of ‘liking’ pleasure involves a whole other set of hormones. This is a very subtle, but ultimately very significant difference. That feeling when you’re dreaming about your upcoming vacation? Dopamine. Thoughts of winning the lottery? Dopamine. Reaching out for a so-bad-yet-so-good slice of gooey chocolate cake? Yup, dopamine. Actually eating the chocolate cake?
Think of it this way, your ability to want something, or one, is almost endless. But your ability to like something, or one, has its limits. Ever witnessed a child get sick from eating too much chocolate? I rest my case.
What on earth does this have to do with spring fever? Not only do we have more of this stuff in our system during the warm spring weather, it turns out that dopamine just loves novelty, unpredictability and anticipation. And what is spring if not novel, unpredictable and boiling with anticipation?
SO, with all this vital information I have come up with an algorithm that explains the science of spring fever:
Sudden Increase in Sunlight + Warmer Weather = (Hyperactive Energizer Bunnies + Happy, Happy, Happy Gorgeous Models) x Exposed Flesh = Sex Crazed Insomniac Adults Acting Like Teenagers x (Optimistic, Focused & Motivated Virile Men/2) x 10(Dopamine) = A Recipe for Disaster = AKA Spring Fever
Now you’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with you, nestled far away in the confines of year-round sunny Kenyan weather. Well, with my life-saving formula I offer some words of advice:
• Fathers, it’s probably best to keep your daughters at bay during springtime in NYC.
• Mothers, best to brush up on those restraint and self-control lessons for your sons.
• Ladies, be careful, use protection and know that those biceps aren’t as big as you think they are.
• Gentlemen, most of you probably suffer from spring fever all year round so I don’t have much advice for you.
As for the rest of us, looks like we’re pretty much doomed, as our ‘Friend Owl’ from the Disney classic Bambi stated:
“Nearly everybody gets twitterpated in the springtime. For example: You’re walking along, minding your own business. You’re looking neither to the left, nor to the right, when all of a sudden you run smack into a pretty face. You begin to get weak in the knees. Your head’s in a whirl. And then you feel light as a feather, and before you know it, you’re walking on air. And then you know what? You’re knocked for a loop, and you completely lose your head!”
njeri@parents.co.ke