Satisfying lovemaking takes time, and can never take too long. Couples who hurry up lovemaking end up not fully enjoying the thrills of good sex. On rare occasions, you may become so aroused during foreplay that you immediately move on to actual intercourse – penetration and orgasm – but usually loving couples try as much as possible to enjoy the thrills gradual intimacy provide, before actual intercourse takes place. Foreplay describes sexual activities that take place prior to intercourse. Prolonged foreplay, which includes leisurely kissing, undressing, massage, oral sex and the sharing of fantasies, among others, is the gateway to exciting sex.
Foreplay should be savoured as an integral part of lovemaking, and couples should learn to excite each other slowly but surely, discovering and exploring each other’s erogenous zones and bodies in a loving, caring, thoughtful, and not simply mechanical way. Some couples go through sex in such a mechanical way that it becomes routine, predictable and boring. This is a recipe for disaster in the relationship. The variety of techniques that can be used to please each other can be enjoyed as activities in their own right, or as delightful prologues to sexual intercourse. The longer, more refined and attentive foreplay is, the more receptive you and your partner will become, and the better, more magical and more fulfilling the ultimate pleasure of sex will be. The pleasure derived from foreplay is worth every minute spent pleasing each other.
Both men and women need foreplay. Contrary to popular belief, men need and enjoy foreplay. Traditionally, foreplay was considered to be something a man did to a woman to get her ready for intercourse, as he presumably was always ready. The truth is, men are not always ’ready’ for intercourse. In reality, men, especially as they age, need and want more of the touching and kissing, stroking, and loveplay that precedes and accompanies intercourse. Women need to recognise that their partners will both require and enjoy much more erotic touching, as they get older. Foreplay offers them the necessary stimulation to build up a good, firm erection and prepare the penis for intercourse. In fact, numerous cases of impotence could be prevented if foreplay was long and exciting enough.
There are, however, a few situations where the length and type of foreplay needs to be carefully discussed by the couple, and that is where a man experiences premature ejaculation or where he has trouble maintaining an erection. In those cases, he may want to keep foreplay to a minimum, and move on to intercourse as soon as he has an erection to avoid losing it, or ejaculating before penetration.
Some men see foreplay as a variety of things they need to go through in order to prepare a woman for intercourse. They don’t see foreplay as part of their own pleasure. Others think of foreplay as a woman touching their genitals, which they want done quickly, as soon as they get into bed, and then proceed to sex. A woman should encourage her man to appreciate the delights foreplay offers, by being enthusiastic about trying new sensual experiences. This way, he learns that joy in sexual activities comes in large part from the affection expressed between couples.
On the other hand, a woman’s body requires prolonged stimulation if she is to become fully aroused for sex. Women’s arousal is brought on by a complex blend of mental and physical stimuli when the emotional atmosphere is sufficiently encouraging. Some women need a particularly long time to become aroused, and a considerate lover must therefore be patient. As a man works to arouse his partner, he should also feel intense pleasure. When a woman senses her man is enjoying foreplay and not doing it merely to arouse her, she will not only be more receptive, but also more helpful during intercourse and the experience will be mutually pleasurable. Men who kiss and cuddle a lot, and indulge in sensitive foreplay, are more likely to see their partners reach orgasm frequently and easily.
You can desire sex yet not become aroused during lovemaking, just as you can be aroused without having a desire for sex. Lack of sexual arousal may lead to lack of sexual desire or to unsatisfactory sex. Some couples want each other; want to have sex, yet they do not excite each other well enough for the sex to be satisfactory. Many couples suffer from arousal timing issues when one gets aroused more quickly, usually the man, than the other. Some couples also mistake the physical signs of initial arousal – erect penis and vaginal lubrication – as proof of sexual readiness, and therefore don’t spend more time in foreplay or fantasising about the sexual encounter about to happen. Once couples start spending more time pleasing each other during the arousal phase, they get more excited about sex and enjoy it more.
For most couples, there are times when intercourse can become routine and predictable. Used imaginatively, foreplay can open up some exciting variations. Good sex requires good foreplay. In fact, foreplay can sometimes take over from actual intercourse as the main source of excitement. Foreplay does not begin at the bedroom door. Many fairly ‘innocent’ social activities can take on special significance between lovers and potential lovers. For example, sharing a romantic evening having a good meal and a bottle of wine is a natural prelude to lovemaking….(Part two next week)