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Maintaining friendships as an adult

Nowadays, new year ‘cut offs’ have become rampant and they leave me wondering how friendships can die fast.

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If only we put as much energy to our platonic relationships as we do romantic ones, then, friendships would be thriving. Nowadays, new year ‘cut offs’ have become rampant and they leave me wondering how friendships can die fast. They require as much effort and time. Here’s how to be more intentional in sustaining your adult friendships.

Give and take

Create a balance between the two without leaning so much on one side. Being a constant giver will make you feel unappreciated at some point. You will feel like you are the one putting effort in the friendship while the other party is using you for something you can give them. On the other hand, taking and taking and taking brings a strain to your friendships.

Communicate

That silent treatment that ends up in a drift is not worth it. Just as you should communicate openly with your romantic partner, so should you with your friends. In case of a bugging issue, speak up and let them know how you feel. It goes a long way in creating a space where your friends can come to you in case of anything.

131,613 BEST African Friends IMAGES, STOCK PHOTOS & VECTORS | Adobe Stock

Set boundaries

The fact is, friendships can get toxic. You do not have to go with the flow all the time on decisions your friends make. Sometimes, they are wrong and need you to bring light to such situations. On other instances, you do not have to share everything with them. Know the things worth talking about and those just better left unsaid. Boundaries help maintain healthy relationships among people and is a great way to have a life outside of them.

Be understanding of their other friendships

Unlike your partner whom you have to yourself as a romantic sidekick, your friends will definitely have other friends. Accept them without having to criticize these other relationships. You definitely won’t get along with all of them. That does not mean you have to destroy the relationship they have with your friends.

Create time to spend together

Friends need time together to catch up and reconnect. Most friendships that end unexpectedly have to be those that lost contact. You might not be beefing with someone but not spending time together will throw the friendship off balance. Plan and go for road trips, have sleepovers, attend events, go out. Basically create memories together.

10 Events for Black Millennials in LA — Black Book LA – The Black  Millennial's Guide to Los Angeles

Make effort

At the end of the day, effort matters in all our relationships. Do not let good friendships slide down the drain because of pride. It is okay to feel angry at times, feel misunderstood and feel let down. But overall, try and make it work. Depending on the situation, there’s always a way to fix it!

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Adulting101

Things you should strike off your bucket list before 30

The aim is to feel alive. So live!

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According to ‘Dr.’ Wendy (aka me), your teenage and twenties should be filled with adventure and bad decisions. Before you clock thirty, and you’re all grown up with standards and responsibilities, it is advisable to try out things that will get your adrenaline pumped. Now, this does not mean that once you get to thirty your life gets boring. I have seen old people do activities that I have never imagined possible at that age. One time I watched an 80 yr old dance salsa at Britain’s got talent. Her and her partner did all the extreme moves, with the flips, twirls, and legwork. At 80!

However, there are things you just have to do while young. It’s a period to learn, grow, and repeat, while having fun at it. Here are some of the activities you should cross off your bucket list before 30.

Meet a celebrity

Imagine celebrities are not that hard to come by. Walk around and you might just meet them hanging out at a place near you. A sure way to meet a celeb, however, is to attend their events. Save money and pay up for that Sauti Sol(my favourite) concert ticket at Carnivore and sure enough, you’ll see Bien, Polycarp, Chimano and Savara. It’s really thrilling and exciting to meet a celebrity and get to hug them or shake their hands. The screams and ” Oh my God, I’m your biggest fan” are memorable. This is a feeling you want to have before thirty.

Face your fears

This is what life is about really. An amazing leader once said, “constantly put yourself in uncomfortable situations. That’s how you grow.” For this segment, facing your fears leaves you feeling anything can be achieved. You aced something you thought would ‘kill you’ and now what can’t you do? If its the fear of heights, go bungee jumping, sky diving and scream your lungs out up there. Stand up to that peering crowd and give a speech.

Break a rule

As I said, this is the time to make bad decisions. Do not go by the books your whole life. Once in a while, question a rule you do not agree with and that which doesn’t align with your conscience. Get cheeky and break other rules with your friends. The fear of being caught brings with it a heart racing excitement that you definitely want to experience before thirty.

Fall in love

Young love is beautiful. You get to be genuinely and open-heartedly in love. No walls built up and no expectations. Just pure, raw love. You also get to be playful with your partner, promise each other the world, break rules together and simply enjoy each other’s company. This is the kind of love you sneak from home for, text your partner using your mums phone and smile uncontrollably over.

Happy Teen Couple In A Street by Lydia Cazorla
Image: Stocksy

Get your heart broken

Those young heartbreaks are really important. Apart from character development, it gives you a peek into what you want and what you don’t. Of course you’ll cry through a box of tissues and it will feel like the world is coming to an end( heartbreaks are dramatic) but you will get over it. The fun part is getting to a point where you look back and don’t feel hurt anymore. It is a really crucial moment in your young life.

Travel to another country

Though books, documentaries and movies have a way of making us feel present at places we’ve never been, actually visiting them is on another experience level. If the money is present, get a Visa and travel to another country. Experience their culture, energy and learn something new while there. You can go for exchange programs or apply for scholarships abroad too to make this happen.

Travel Tips For a Wise Traveler Like You - Push Select Magazine
Image: Push select magazine

Learn something new

Life is a constant classroom. Take every opportunity to learn and feed into your knowledge and overall curiosity. Trying new things as a young person allows you to discover what you like and what you’d better leave to others. Play that sport, take up a course and get a certificate, learn a new language and enroll in musical instrument classes.

Create a recipe

Make your kitchen a lab and come up with a recipe of your own. Mix up what you think will go with what and take note of procedures taken. Your dish might actually turn out great and you’ll be the new chef in town. You can make this a secret family recipe to hand over to your kids in future.

Attend a concert

Have you ever sat on somebody’s shoulders or gotten your shoulders sat on during a concert? No? Me too. But it seems so fun and we should definitely do it before we grow and get shy! Shoulders aside, your friends are the best company for concerts. The hype and the vibes are always just right. Musical concerts give you a chance to sing along to your favourite songs while listening to the actual artiste.

The Afro-Latino Festival returns to New York City | The FADER
Image: The Fader

Find other wild things to do. Go on a safari, road trip, even go on a shooting range! The aim is to feel alive. So live!

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Adulting101

How to get your crush to like you

Do not fall victim to the constant question of ‘what if’ by not doing something about your crush

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Most of us are painfully stuck in the friendzone mainly because of fear. These things need you to step up and have some courage. And as they say, “If it doesn’t work out, at least you tried.” Or my favourite, “If you die you die”. Do not fall victim to the constant question of ‘what if’ by not doing something about your crush. Some crushes are just a passing glance but others keep you up at night thinking about them. Your heart skips a beat when they enter the room, butterflies in your stomach and all the other exciting things your body does when you are in love.

Jump off the friendzone and try out these tips to get your crush to like you. Who knows, it might actually turn out to be great!

Laugh at their jokes

Of course you’d want to see someone you make laugh everyday. There’s just something to people finding you funny. The spark you see in their eyes makes you want to talk to them again and again just to see it once more. So in this case, crack up at your crush’s jokes. Take it up a notch and even laugh to tears.

78,491 Young Couple Laughing Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images -  iStock
Image: iStock

Find unusual similarities

Find similarities between you two and point them out mid conversation. If they say they love taking tea before bed and that’s the same for you, chip in that “me too” phrase and start a whole conversation on tea. These similarities will give you common things to talk about. Experts say, talking about something you love with someone else draws you closer to them.

Ask them out

Actually ask them out and express your interest in them. This step is dreaded by most, but actually works out for many. Maybe they like you already but are just shy to speak up. You making the move will spark things up and they might also open up on how they feel!

Courtship Confusion
Image: Souma

Be presentable

Impressions matter. A lot! People tend to remember you by how you looked and the image that comes to their head when you are mentioned. It could be your perfume, haircut or braiding style. Dress to impress when around your crush and watch them compliment you every time you walk in.

Be yourself

Do not change who you are to make them like you. This is tiresome and chances are you will not maintain the act for long. The best way to get your crush to like you is being yourself. This way, you will know they like you for you and not a character you made up.

If it goes well..

That is a plus for you. Get to know them better and simply enjoy your time together. Go on dates and have fun!

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Adulting101

Sleepover activities for your girl squad

Though its very rare to ran out of things to do during these nights, somedays you just want to plan beforehand to make sure everything flows.

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Sleepovers have to be one of the best ways to catch up with your girls. You get to spend a whole night with your favorite people, and do whatever you want. Though its very rare to run out of activities to do during these nights, some days you just want to plan beforehand to make sure everything flows. Here are some sleepover activities to keep you and your girls psyched throughout the night:

Prank calls

I got to do this with my roommates once and though almost everyone I called recognized my voice, it was such an amazing time. The joy of telling someone, “its a prank!” and the ripples of laughter that follow is a feeling you want to experience at your sleepover. Come up with ideas for a prank call and find people to try them out on. You can even prank your parents!

Dye each other’s hair

It is not the first time someone has woken up at a sleepover with dyed hair or shaved eyebrows. There’s something about the night that makes bad decisions seem so good. Hope on to this opportunity with your group and dye your hair. After a couple of shots of course. You might wake up and regret it, or love it!

Self-care

Aside from bad decisions, sleepovers are also the best time for self care. Take long baths, do a skin care routine and paint your nails. Pamper yourselves while listening to chill music for the vibes. Go the extra mile and light up some candles!

10 Best Face Masks on Amazon 2021 - Best Face Masks for Smooth Skin
source: Good housekeeping

Movie night

A great way to ensure a successful sleepover is picking a nice movie for the night. My favorite sleepover movie has to be ‘Girls Trip’ starring Tiffany Haddish. Its a movie about friendship that will have you rolling in laughter. Pick any other movie that will be suitable for the night. It could be horror, comedy, romance and any other genre that will do the trick.

Card and board games

Card and board games give room for healthy competitions and overall fun. They will leave you playing 20 games in a row just to help everyone become a winner. Truth or dare cards also allows you to ask that one think you wanted to know about your friends or just dare them to do the unthinkable. You will definitely enjoy putting them in tight spots with these.

Try a new skill

This is a great way to come up with something together. Try new recipes, have a karaoke moment, make DIYs, braid each other’s hair and basically any new craft you’ve always wanted to try out. Who knows, you might find your talent in these!

Scavenger hunt

It’s not a sleepover without games that keep you on toes to shoo away any feeling of sleep. Scavenger hunts are a fun way to have you running around the house in such of hidden items. You can make it more fun and engaging by declaring that the winner keeps the item.

Make snacks

Keep your mouths chewing throughout the night with homemade snacks. There are some stories that come with being in the kitchen. Make good use of this time to catch up on your lives. New boos, work struggles and all the juicy tea.

To sum up..

Once you are done with one activity, start another one to keep them coming. Make sure to have the most fun and bond over each step.

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