Kenya in recent times has seen a rise in the worst of relationships with cases of couples killing each other or committing suicide all because of unhealthy relationships or marriages. You might be in a relationship whose future you feel is vague or things simply are not going along well.
But at what point, really, would you consider a relationship unworthy of staying?
Here are the subtle(and not so subtle) signs that you are in an a toxic relationship and it is time to leave.
Any physical pain that is inflicted from a partner is a sign of a toxic relationship. Healthy relationships involve no physical pain of any kind. Words might be said in anger but not derisively and certainly not involving any form of inflicting pain on another e.g beating, slapping.
If your partner is hurting you, or you are hurting your partner, causing each other physical pain, then you are definitely in a toxic relationship.
Source, Huffington post
Jealousy and the blame game
We’re all only human, so jealousy will happen on some level. However, excessive jealousy is never okay. If you don’t have trust in a relationship, you literally have nothing worth holding on to.
Criticism and contempt
No one is perfect, and the closer you become with someone, the more conspicuous his or her imperfections will become. There is nothing wrong with criticism that comes from a positive place.
However, when criticism is used as a channel to express contempt or disdain for someone else, it can make the other person feel undervalued and worthless. It’s hard for a relationship to come back from that.
One big indicator of a toxic relationship is when a person controls the other.
People in healthy relationships do not try to control the other person. They give each other the freedom to live their lives and be their own person. People who control everything their partner does are people who create toxicity and discord in a relationship.
Are you given the freedom to be who you want to be in your relationship? If not, your relationship might be toxic, and it’s important that you recognize it.
Your partner refuses to Take Responsibility
When you fight, is your partner able to admit his/her part? Or is his/her only admission that you made them angry? In a healthy relationship, both people can take a step back and see how they contribute to its successes and failures—no one person is to blame. The inability to shoulder responsibility is the mark of an emotionally immature person.
You are not happy anymore
What it really comes down to is happiness, you don’t have to justify why you aren’t happy anymore.
It isn’t realistic to expect to be happy in every moment of your relationship, but as a whole, this person should make you happier. He or she should make you feel supported and capable of doing whatever the hell it is you want to do.
You should know that even though you don’t have control of every aspect of your life and things will fall apart, this person gives you stability. He or she helps you rebuild and gives you hope that things can be the way you think they should be.
Source, Psychology today
Do you or your partner lash out at each other verbally? Do words spoken, either calmly or in anger, inflict pain? Is the language laced with profanity, words that belittle and make you feel very much less than?
Words can express anger and disappointment, but those words shouldn’t inflict pain, make you feel bad about yourself or display disrespect. Pay attention. If either you or your partner are repeatedly raising your voices and inflicting pain instead of expressing feelings, then you might be in a toxic relationship.
They threaten to break up with you
This is when your partner is constantly threatening to end things. One or both of you live in fear that the smallest argument or crisis will cause the other to leave. For example, rather than saying, “It bothers me when you’re late,” you say, “I can’t be with someone who can’t show up on time.” People should be able to express negative thoughts and feelings in a way that doesn’t cause a commitment crisis.
6 types of men you should avoid
Most of us ignore some unacceptable behaviors in some men with the hope that they will fade away. If you have already been in a toxic relationship,you will be more alert before getting into another on. Be on the look-out for and avoid the following types of men like a plague:
An abusive guy will be overly hot-tempered and his actions very unpredictable. Ignoring this sign will mean getting into an abusive relationship. On the sidelines, observe how he handles arguments with his close friends and family. You can also notice how he treats strangers especially when he’s ticked off. If he can get either physically or emotionally aggressive with strangers then he can definitely get aggressive with you as well. On instances where you have feel like you’re being manipulated by a guy, cut ties with him completely. Manipulation in itself is a form of abuse.
This type of guy will never want to do anything and will make you clean his mess. In other extreme cases he will expect you to take up most, if not all, of his responsibilities. You will notice this behavior at the beginning of your relationship.Let this man step up as a man before getting into a serious relationship with him. Don’t baby him in the genesis or else you’ll play mama role for the rest of your lives.
The unambitious guy never has a plan and is, instead, always complaining. He will often talk up his game with zero results. Guys with this kind of trait are good at telling a woman what she wants to hear just to lure her into a relationship. To counter such men,challenge them to take up small challenges and see how they handle them. Trust me, you’ll know if he’s genuine sis!
Don’t be flattered if he’s continuously keeping tabs on your every move. Him wanting to be with you every single day of the week is a cause for alarm. This is definitely not love but obsession. Before getting into a romantic commitment with such a man notice some of this red flags.He will dislike your friends and make you cancel your plans to be with him.
A guy who is needy will never let you have alone time and will bombard your personal space with his insecurities. A needy guy is a kind of man who will be emotionally unstable and will always bring you down just so he can boost both his ego and esteem.
He is always unreliable because this type of man is the father of lame excuses and will never put in any effort. This type of guy will make promises that he can’t keep and will lie to your face. This guy will not be honest with his personal issues and will close off some bits of his life from you. If he can’t be candid with you then he’s not worth the risk and sacrifice.
Tanasha Donna finally opens up on breakup with Diamond
Tanasha Donna has today finally opened up about her breakup with Diamond Platnumz. The 24-year old mother of one took to Facebook to share with her fans the reasons behind the breakup with Tanzanian music star Diamond.
The radio presenter and singer said she believed Diamond had changed his bad behaviours and had turned over a new leaf but that was not the case.
“I believed this man is a changed person but his actions proved me wrong,” she said.
Tanasha recently unfollowed Diamond platnumz on Instagram and even went a step further to delete his pictures from her social media page. She expressed regret at having to part ways with Diamond’s family as they had grown close during the duration of her relationship with Diamond.
“It’s time for me to say goodbye to Dangote’s family. Heartbreaking news, it’s over between the two of us. God knows why this had to happen. Let me move on with my life,” part of the post read.
Tanasha and Diamond have been dating for close to a year now and have a baby together. The couple seemed to be getting on well and had even released a song together called Gere before things went south.
Kenyans reaction to the breakup
Kenyans had mixed reactions as some rushed to console Tanasha while others admonished her. Hundreds of comments poured in from shocked fans who had been following the couple closely.
“That is not the end of the world, Zari did the same. She moved on too. Don’t stress yourself. These days women are working harder and harder to live peaceful lives,” Yuppamungu Damale commented.
“But you harakishad things even the ancestors were so annoyed. You knew very well Diamond was a community hubby and he is still the same,” Clementine Toto said.
“Excellent Tanasha, it’s really heartbreaking but life goes on. Let God deal with his karma. Only you, him and God knows what you have been going through,” Abrah Swabrah said.
Things to consider before getting into a relationship
Relationships have been given such a bad rep with most young people getting into them for the wrong reasons. We look at six things everyone needs to consider before getting into a romantic relationship:
If you’re over your ex
This should be your first question before getting into a romantic relationship. You never want to get into a new relationship with so much baggage from your former relationship holding you back. Heal, take your time and get over your previous relationship. It is absolutely okay to cut ties with your ex so as to start your healing process. Additionally, avoid getting into any romantic commitment right after a break-up. This situationship also known as rebound love will not last for long and will only makes things worse. Getting over your ex fully will not be easy but make sure to trust your instincts;you will know when you’re ready.
If you’re in it for the right reasons
Most people get into relationships thinking it’s all roses and diamonds until an argument ensues and they flee. Knowing and understanding the motive behind getting into a relationship is paramount. Don’t get into a long-term commitment because of money, looks, fame or other superficial factors. All these things are variables and can end at any time. Get into a relationship if you love your partner and are willing to stand by them through the good and the bad. I’m not telling you to get into a marriage scenario,no, I’m just showing you the intensity that is necessitated in a relationship.
If it is something long-term
If you’re getting into a commitment for the fun of it or for the title, then you’re not in it for the long-run. Sadly in today’s society young people are dating for just a day and calling it quits thereafter. Long-term relationships are not founded on this but on love, patience and sacrifice. The maturity that comes with two people overcoming an argument and pushing through a relationship cannot be understated. Don’t get into a relationship If you don’t think you can be in it for a long time.
If you and your partner are compatible
Guys nowadays just meet up for a day or two and jump right into a relationship like they are hoping on a bus, easy right?. Get to know your partner, go on dates, know his or her family. It’s never too late to save yourself from a bad relationship. This is aided by a individuals asking each other the hard questions on the first dates. Don’t wait till day 786 while you’re already in a relationship to know your deal breakers. Don’t shy away from getting every detail possible on these dates as they will give you a clear picture of what you want and what you can compromise on in a relationship.